Right or Wrong

After making the big decision to excuse myself from the year-end trip with my fellow classmates, I finally jumped to the conclusion that it pays to be yourself. Well, at least I paid a price. Somehow, I felt myself being forced into agreeing and accepting every idea they made. But I wanted to be myself and stick to my stand. I know I don't really enjoy a trip like that and I don't wanna waste my time + money and regret about it later. It was then some people started to view me as an uncooperative and inconsiderate classmate (or is this just paranoia?). When I told them about my decision, the first reaction I received was: OH WHY?? Okay, so I explained. I have decided not to go because:

1. I have a lot of things to do (eg. driving lessons, concert etc).
2. My mum said she'd be worried if I went for the trip.
3. I don't really feel like going anyway.
4. I don't think I can share my bed/room/toilet with other people (since I'm such a spoilt brat).
5. I love my bed/pc/home, I can't survive a day without them.

But they kept persuading me. This I understand, so I said no to them. Then there's the second person trying to talk me into changing my mind. But if you know me, you know I never listen once I've made up my mind. So I said no again. And the third, the fourth... ... everyone is questioning me as if I have committed a crime and is under investigation. Soon, I got really fed-up but didn't show it because it would be rude since people are just being concern and you should appreciate their care. According to them, it won't be fun unless everybody joins the trip. But what about me? Will I enjoy the trip? I know myself too well to agree to that. I simply dislike vacations (different case if I were to go with my crush XD~).

I'm really sorry to say this, but all the five reasons above are made-up except for the third. Technically, they are still true because those are my post-SPM plans (after declining the offer to go for the class trip). None of the above reasons is a prior and I could have cancelled any if I like. It's just that I need reasons to get pass their questionings. If I do not sound reasonable enough, people would have criticised me for being a rebel. In the end, I find myself explaning too much to people around me. And that's really stupid. I know I shouldn't care too much about what others think but it's easier said than done. Humans have feelings.

The truth is, I can't blame them because I agreed to go with them at first. But I rationalized it second and swallowed my words. But why ask so much when I have already decided? It annoys me.

Well... at least I'm not the only one not going. 34/42 of the class is going though... I love my friends, but not enough to sacrifice this much. Anything, anything but going to a trip. I've come to a realization that being yourself is a whole lot more than just saying it aloud (yea a lot of people just do the saying). People often credit me for showing great independence and individuality because I am a speaker and a debater, but the truth is, I have problems tackling these sticky gums too!

Ironic, isn't it?