Sorry for the lack of updates.
I do not remember when exactly it happened, but I am ashamed of the fact that I have always been aware of it - that I no longer share much of my feelings here in this blog. Or rather, the sharing has been limited to that of happiness only. And I guess I know why.
Words cannot describe how perplexed I am, or how delicate of a situation I am in, now. In fact, I myself could not explain anything. I feel hollow, empty, and lost. I counted the times I laughed for a day and surprisingly while I still did, I do not feel as if it comes from the heart.
I lose all appetite and I keep feeling dizzy.
I am not right.
The sickness comes from the inside. I do not have the slightest clue of how I am supposed to face people the next morning, or for the whole week. And the more I am comforted, the more tearful I get. I am sorry for being who I am, but I probably really need some crying. And sleep.
I wish I could hide at home for a week. I am tired.
It is my trial. I cannot run away from it. Still, it is really kurushii... and I do not know what will become of it.
For people who read this, please do not place guesses on what I am talking about. It might just... not be what you are having in your mind.
Good night.
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2 comments:
I get you. I really do. Sometimes it catches up on you while you go on happy, thinking you're really happy. ): So go find something that never failed to make you cry and have a good cry. Or just sit/stand/sleep it out. (: And if you need to call somebody, my phone's available 24/7.
x
I dunno what you're going through, but I think it's going to be temporary, and you will get through it.
I am also struggling with panic attacks (non-medical, just in the mind) due to lack of preparation and discipline in my studies. And i would not like to describe what ridiculous things i was doing on saturday night when my roommate was not around to make me be in more control of myself.
Health is important...MQ... when we are sick everthing seems unpleasant and grey.
Sleep and cry as much as you want...ashita wa ii hi ni naru!
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